Being picked last!

I was one of those kids who was picked last for the Sports teams.

I was not in the “in group” of girls. I went to an all girls school and it was tough.

"Picked Last" isn't even the right term as you are not picked, you are the only one left to be taken by the team because there is no one else.

What a cruel, callous act that the teachers at that time thought was acceptable.

I don’t understand why the teacher (never liked the PE teachers much) gave the power to two popular kids which resulted in humiliation for some.

That feeling of dread standing there as the last student that no one wants.

Today, looking back, I know deep down how morally wrong and unfair this practice was. God, I hope they don’t do this today! 🙏

It cries out peer rejection, you are not good enough, we won’t bother with you.

Those insecurities whether we realise it or not, are always hidden deep inside.

Those childhood memories fed into my insecurity for most of my life, that constant fear of being ignored.

And that single moment — standing there, unwanted — embedded something deeper than I realised at the time.

From a neuroscience perspective, experiences of exclusion activate the same neural pathways as physical pain.

To a child’s nervous system, not being chosen isn’t just embarrassing — it’s a threat.

It says rejection that shape self-worth, belonging, and emotional safety.

Those early experiences don’t disappear.

They become implicit memories.

They shape our beliefs.

They wire our nervous system to anticipate rejection long after the moment has passed.

For years, that wiring played out in my adult life:

Needing to be heard

Pushing for the last word

Feeling anxious even being served last at the pub

Because my brain was still trying to protect me from ever feeling “picked last” again.

Our behaviours are not random.

They are patterned responses to old neural pathways trying to keep us safe.

When we understand our triggers, we can interrupt the automatic reactions.

We can lead from stability instead of insecurity. We can respond, not react.